The History of Penguin Domination
In 1991, the Empress Penguin of Antarctica, otherwise known as the illusive Mrs B, commenced witn the design and construction of a device called the Evil Portal of Doom. The Portal is an invention conceived by penguins for the purpose of bridging the gap between England and Antarctica so penguins can take over the world.

Unfortunately, Mrs B's ingenious design was successful, and in September 1995 the Empress Penguin made her maiden voyage to England.

However, a navigational error occured during the ten minute journey, and instead of arriving in the midst of a heated political debate at the House of Commons as anticipated, Mrs B landed in a darkened prep. room at a school in the north of England. When she emerged she was falsely recognised as the new science teacher.

She subsequently took up this post, namely because she developed an infatuation with a teacher named Mr M after hearing the charismatic drawl of his deep baritone voice for the first time.

Before long she had set up a street gang called The Penguin Posse, who were guilty of crimes such as smashing teat pipettes over policemen's heads, verbally assaulting passers by and accusing strangers of 'fucking our clowns'.

But things were about to become a lot worse...

Penguins in Politics
Mrs B eventually became bored of such petty crimes, and decided to form a terrorist group called The Penguin Party.

In 2002, an anti-penguin group called HAPD (Humans Against Penguin Domination) was established. Its aim is to promote human good over penguin evil by preventing evil penguin missions from being fulfilled.

In February, a teat pipette containing arsenic was found in Mrs B's lab. It had been placed there by the Empress herself to poison one of her human students, a female mastermind of 16 named Rukaya (HAPD web site designer). Mrs B had discovered earlier that day, that Rukaya knew confidential penguin information.

Despite this discovery, penguins continued to strive to overthrow the British Government, planning to eventually carry out their original scheme of world domination.

How Penguins Dominated the Media:

During the summer term of 2002, the HAPD members became occupied with their GCSEs. Consequently they had little time to spend on HAPD matters.The Penguin Party saw this as an opportunity to gain human publicity as there were no HAPD members around to spoil their plans. They became employed by companies such as:

*British Gas
*Nestle
*Iceland

Penguins were becoming more and more recognised.Thankfully, HAPD set to work and put an end to this fiasco as soon as their exams were completed.

Penguins in the Film Industry:

As yet there are no penguins in the film industry. However, HAPD recently discovered that this is one of the penguins' next missions.

Penguins Releasing Singles:

This is a very serious matter as penguins have no musical taste. Mrs B the Empress Penguin has been caught moshing violently to trance music by Web site designer Rukaya on several occasions.

HAPD are:
Helen - Chairperson
Roz - Vice Chairperson
Rukaya - Web Site Designer
Zebchu - Secretary
Claire - Treasurer
Gellie - Spy
Fish - Spy

Other Obsessions here at Pufin
*Bob Dylan, and the deep psychological levels of his lyrics

*The William books by Richmal Crompton (particularly a character named Archie, an absent-minded artist)

*The superb cult film 'Harold and Maude'

*The excellent band iDLEWiLD, Scotland's first rebellion against spandex and wallet chains


read a story about Roddy here: